Monday, March 10, 2008

Complicated feelings

Ok..so a few months ago my hubby Nate and I agreed no more kids after our son, Charlie. I just feel now like I want to give all of myself as a mom to him. Nate was the first one who was like " One is Enough!" I agreed, our little life is perfect as it is. Now his brother and fiancee are planning their wedding and family, and Nate has been hit with baby fever. A large part of me does not want more children, as son is perfect. A smaller part of me wants the 9 months thing and the baby bliss again. I don't want to take away from Charlie, and I want him to develop into the beautiful person he is becoming without any loss of attention from Nate or I. Its so difficult, but maybe some people arent meant to have a huge family. I think we are doing the right thing, but time will tell. It is so difficult to know that in October of last year, we were expecting another baby. I would have been due in July or late June. It crushes me and I try not to think about it, but it creeps into my mind all the time. I wonder whether it would have been a boy or a girl. I suppose everything happens for a reason.

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